You Should Always Finish What You Start (And Other Official Statements)

(If you are just joining us, please see this entry)

OFFICIAL STATEMENT #4

Patronizing tones should be used with caution. Some people believe in a ambivalence of the human race and therefore don't know if you are patronizing them or being serious. I feel like I am on both sides of this coin because 1) I tend to believe in the ambivalence of the human race and 2) I tend to say patronizing things. I suppose I need to change one of those.

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OFFICIAL STATEMENT #5

(Per a coworker) When you are talking about something and the other person you are talking to agrees with you, you should always just stop mid-sentence once they agree. It saves the planet by lowering your emissions of CO2.

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OFFICIAL STATEMENT #6

You should always finish one official statement before moving on to others (for example I am now working on statement #6 when I haven't even finished five or four). This is an example of the attention-deficit society we live in. While waiting in line for dinner at IKEA (the greatest place in the entire world [see Official Statement #7]) with my friends and their kids, the five-year-old had her tray behind mine, and she was tail-gating me. There was a terribly long line that evening, and as the person in front of me moved forward a couple feet, the five-year-old immediately asked (in an innocent tone), "Chris, aren't you going to move forward?" as she pushed her tray up so it was all in my grill. I smiled and moved forward and reflected on how impatient I can be (probably as a result of the immediacy of most things these days) and then was a little startled to think of how much more impatient the rising generation will be, because they never had to wait for anything. Well except for dinner at IKEA.

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OFFICIAL STATEMENT #7

IKEA is the greatest place in the entire world.

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